


he was alone at the end (but he had always been alone)

by Ford_Ye_Fiji



Series: Whumptober 2020 [22]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone does show up but only for a hot second, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Number Five | The Boy Gets A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Stressed Number Five | The Boy, Tired Number Five | The Boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27248848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ford_Ye_Fiji/pseuds/Ford_Ye_Fiji
Summary: Day 31: Left BehindIt’s better for them this way.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947877
Comments: 29
Kudos: 319
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	1. Day 31: Left Behind

Five shuddered, the cold rain soaking his collar through, his clothes wet and sticky against his skin. He needed to keep moving, another mile, another step. He couldn’t though, he couldn’t. 

Dark blood muddled the clear puddles by his feet as he leaned against the grimy wall. His legs were streaked with blood, the rain washing away some of it, but mostly only serving to soak his socks through, staining them a darker shade of blue. 

Another step, another inch. 

It counted.

All of it. 

Five grit his bloodstained teeth, nostrils flaring as he tried to push himself to his feet, only succeeding in falling to his hands and knees. Another inch. Just one more inch. He snarled, arms shaking, chest aching as he crawled forward. 

_Just one more fucking inch._

He moved almost a yard before stopping again, dragging in air desperately, blinking rain out of his eyes. All he had to do was make it another inch. 

Maybe if he told himself that often enough, it would become true. 

He closed his eyes and forced himself onwards, through the refuse and the dirt, the blood and the pain, inch by inch. 

And then his time ran out. 

There were footsteps, and then a sigh, "There you are Number Five. I was afraid we'd lost you there." 

Five glared up at the man before him, taking bitter satisfaction that his immaculate suit was soaked through, "Took you long enough fuckface." 

The man sighed, eyeing him carefully, slowly lowering his handgun, "Geez, you’ve got a foul mouth squirt." 

Five's eyes narrowed as pressed a hand to his side, fingers and palms painted red, blood under his nails. He hoped he'd gotten far enough. Well, however far it was, it would have to be enough, "Well? Are you going to end this or not?" 

The man crouched down, sadly out of his reach, gun held loosely in his hands, "Actually, I've been wondering something this whole time." 

Five rolled his eyes, retorting impatiently, "Wow, I didn't know you could do that without a brain these days." 

The man remained unfazed by his wit, "It's just that... you’re Number Five. You’re _the_ Number Five. You're a Commission legend." He sighed, "It’s disappointing that you went down so easily is all. I mean, you lead us on a merry chase all across town. But you've exhausted yourself, you’ve run way past your limits. You got shot and now you’re bleeding out." He shrugged, utterly mystified, "Hell, it probably doesn’t even matter if I shoot you, you'll still die." 

Five raised an eyebrow, words curling with an unimpressed drawl, “Can we skip the small talk? I don’t need a thirteen page character analysis before my death."

The man studied him carefully, completely ignoring him, "I just don't understand it. You gave us the runaround when you could’ve gone back to your super-powered fam- _oh_ ." He laughed, almost incredulous, "You were _protecting your family_. You saw how we took care of your sisters and you led us away before we could kill them."

Five grit his teeth, as the man continued, arrogant and unfortunately, right, "Holy shit. Number Five has a heart. Wait till the guys hear this." He shook his head, "And they left you behind huh? All alone to be killed, what just like the last time? Those apocalypse days?" 

Five snapped, irritated, "I _told_ them to go. And _they_ didn’t leave me behind in the apocalypse, asshole." 

The man eyed him, "But you did, huh?" 

Five blinked, anger rising in his chest, those four words ripping a hole straight through him, right down to his core, "You don’t know me-“ 

The man held up a hand, "No, not personally, but I’ve read a lot about you. Back when I was still with the Commission, when things were better, before you fucked it up, I had your case file. I may not know all of you, Five, but I know some." 

He leaned forward, sneering, "They didn't leave you, but _you_ left _them_." He gestured with his gun around the empty alleyway, "That's how I know, Five! That’s how I know that you’ve got a plan. That you’re going to get out of here. You never give up. You've torn apart reality time and again to get what you want, in order to never leave your family. So what is it, this time, huh? What’s your ace in the sleeve?" 

Five blinked before his lips curled upwards into a grin, realizing he knew just how to work this, "You don’t know me nearly as well as you think, young man." 

His eyes narrowed and Five couldn’t help the snort, "You're right. I would fight tooth and claw to save them, inch by inch, mile by mile. I would kill and maim and rend and _tear_ to save them. I’ve torn apart time to do so. The laws of nature aren’t an obstacle." 

The man's jaw worked, waiting, as Five leaned forward, glaring upwards, teeth bared, "But what you don’t realize is that I’m already gone. I never got to have a life in the first place. 

He laughed, blood trailing down his chin, staining the collar of his shirt, “I’ve always been a phantom. I came back from the dead to right my mistakes and ever since then I’ve been living on borrowed time. This was always the inevitable end, you just happened to be the asshole stuck with the job." 

The man shifted on the sole of his shoes, almost nose to nose with him, "What are you talking about? What are you saying? You'd kill for your family."

Five finished, low and soft, "And I’d _die_ for them." 

The man's eyes widened, realization dawning. He reacted too slow, however, as they always were, Five grabbing the gun and jamming it upwards into the soft underside of his pursuer's jaw.

The man's face was pale, trembling, "You know killing me is pointless. There's another right behind me. You’re bleeding out, and your family... they still left you behind in the end." 

Five hissed, "That's how it should be."

The man twitched, grabbing for Five just as he pulled the trigger, watching impassively and without flinching as the man's head exploded, coating his face with gore and brain matter. Five wrinkled his nose, dropping the gun and wiping at his face with annoyance. 

He had another pursuer or two to lead on. He eyed the seemingly endless alleyway before him, darkness pulling at his eyes. 

Just one more inch. 

Five crawled forward. 

He didn’t make it very far.

The gunshot that had saved his life and given him those few precious seconds was too loud, however, too loud not to attract attention. He heard the footsteps before he saw them and turned, just managing to roll out of the way of the first kick, and then missing the second, his head knocked back into the wall. He didn’t have very long to contemplate the spots pulling at the edge of his vision before his second pursuer struck again, Five choking on blood. He was so tired, too tired, and surely, _surely_ this was far enough from his family. Surely they would kill him here and finally leave, leave them alone and happy and alive. 

That’s all he wanted. 

Surely, his death would finally be the price that preserved such peace. 

Five tried to push himself up onto his hands and knees again, from where he’d fallen, but another kick sent him to the ground again, vicious snarls about how he’d killed his partner. Not that Five gave a shit in the slightest what his most recent assailant cared about. 

Five hissed, pulling his knees in close and trying to protect his face from the attack, his wound pulsing with protest. 

It wouldn’t be long now, and soon he would be gone again, for good this time. He’d always known how he’d go. Alone, left behind, as he’d been for so many years. He’d die how he had lived. 

He had left them all behind in his arrogant impulsive trip to the future- this was only him, paying the price for it. But it was a sacrifice he’d gladly make, again and again, to assure his family’s safety. He’d made his choice. He’d told them to run, and they had. They were _safe_. And that was all that really mattered, wasn’t it?

The final kick hit his head, ears ringing, vision doubled as the second man pulled him up, seething, “You won’t get the best of me, Number Five.” 

Five grimaced and then coughed, spitting blood, “Just get it over with, asshole.” 

The man’s lips twisted with disgust, Five’s blood splattering his cheek. He dropped Five into a heap and cocked his gun, pointing it at his head. Five looked up, brows furrowed, lips curled. 

This was always how he would die, alone and full of brutal violence. He’d accepted it. This was the inevitable end. But he couldn’t help that moment of wishing, that it hadn’t turned out like this, wishing that he hadn’t been left behind, always uselessly and pointlessly wishing for his family.

Five refused to acknowledge the wetness of his eyes as he glared up the barrel of his own death. 

To die was the loneliest act of all. 

The inevitable end. 

The man pulled the trigger. 

They both blinked with surprise when the bullet hit the wall beside him. Five glanced at it, and then back at the man, realizing what had happened before he did. Five ducked, throwing himself to the ground. 

The man’s eyes widened as he finally reached the same conclusion that Five had. 

The bullet, fired at point blank range, had _curved_. 

The alleyway around them exploded. 

Five’s ears rang and he coughed, wincing at the splatter of blood against the ground, he looked up, squinting in the darkness as he saw out of the rain and fog, first white glowing eyes and then Vanya, cold and pale and furious, her shirt streaked with red. Diego emerged from behind her, face bruised. He caught sight of Five and started forward, “Hey, bro-“ 

He crouched down beside him, hands hovering as he caught sight of the bruises and the sheer amount of blood on him, “Oh shit that can’t be good- Luther!” 

Five blinked, trying to push himself into a sitting position, brows furrowed with surprise and confusion, “Wh- how did you guys find us?” 

Luther jogged forward and he could see Allison and Klaus now, skirting past his assailant’s crumpled body to hover worriedly nearby. 

Vanya looked down, the glow in her eyes receding and he could see the bandages now and the exhaustion in her eyes, “We kept looking and we _didn’t_ give up.” 

Luther added, picking up Five gently, an arm under his legs and around his back, supporting him as he straightened to his full height, “Yeah, that and the gunshots were a big clue.” 

Allison sighed, examining Five’ side and giving him a glare when he tried to bat her hand away, “We wouldn’t just leave you, Five.” 

Five softened, letting her continue her prodding as he grumbled, “S’not like I didn’t have it completely under control.” 

Klaus snorted. 

Diego sighed, “Sure you did.”

Five glowered at him, no real heat behind it. 

Five had always known he’d die alone. But maybe he’d been wrong. After all, he’d be wrong before. Maybe, he didn’t have to be lonely anymore. Maybe he wasn’t fated to be left behind. Maybe, with his family by his side, he could learn to live again. 

Five let himself relax in soft embrace of his brother’s arms and accepted the concern and care of his siblings. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

And he would never be again.


	2. Nov. 1, Day 32: bet u all thought you’d seen the last of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some November comfort after all of the October hurt XD

He doesn’t remember much of the after. 

The soft footfalls, the sway of movement, a warm embrace, the murmurs of his siblings and his brother’s heart beating against him, strong and so wonderfully alive. That’s all that mattered, there, in the soft darkness. 

Then there are lights, there is flashing, and there is  _ pain _ . 

All he knows is that he has to get away, he does not want this- he wants out and away and he  _ hurts- _

The darkness takes him again with blissful silence.

He remembers flashes, a hand in his hair, soft words, a crack of a joke, quiet scolding, a hand in his. He feels muted and distant, his body floating away, almost foreign. 

He knows he opens his eyes once, the world white and clinical. He remembers turning his head, blinking, his eyes so terribly heavy. He says Vanya, slumped in a chair. He opens his mouth, tries to tell her, tries to say something, but all that comes out is an unintelligible croak. She starts, catching sight of him and she gasps, almost falling forward, taking his hand, “Five, you’re awake!”

He blinks again, sleep tugging at the edges of his vision- but he can’t go back not yet, not until he makes sure. He manages to push past his aching throat, “You okay?”

She laughs and her eyes look curiously wet, “Yeah, yeah we’re all okay now, Five.”

He nods, eyes already drifting closed again. 

Sometimes he’s alone in the darkness, soft and worn. Sometimes there is fire and sometimes he is so cold, so  _ so _ cold. 

He dimly hears Luther speaking and Five wants to wrinkle his brow, to snort, but all he manages is a soft indignant huff. He hears Luther’s words stop, but if he says anything more, Five doesn’t know as he drifts back under again. 

The next time he wakes, he knows that this time it’s for good. 

He can hear Klaus speaking or, more rather, grandstanding. Before he can stop himself, his brows furrow, lips curling with automatic annoyance. The speaking stops and he can hear Klaus say, “Whoa is he waking up?”

His cover blown, Five whispers, his complaint coming out far less commanding than he’d wanted it to, “It’s hard to sleep with you blabbering on all the time.” 

“Five!” 

Five blinks, wincing at the light. Klaus sits cross legged at the end of his bed, which is notably, far bigger than him. He’s holding UNO cards, a stack sitting in front of him. Diego sits in a chair to Five’s left, also holding cards. Luther sits by the wall on a couch, head on his chest, clearly sleeping. Ben is next to him, snoring into his shoulder. Five frowns as he sees Allison sitting to his right, holding cards as well. Vanya sits next to her, eyes wide, holding a book, her other hand in his. 

He tightens his loose grip on Vanya’s hand, voice crackling and scraping against his throat, “How… how long has it been?” 

Allison starts, “Wait, don’t speak, let me get you some ice chips, Five.”

Five blinks slowly, his brain feeling like mush, somehow not able to comprehend what he saw, or to hold it all in his mind, his thoughts pouring out of his hands like water in a sieve. 

Allison returns passing the cup to him. He takes it, finger shaky. As soon as he has some, he realizes how thirsty he is. It’s a quiet few moments as they wait, Diego slapping down a card, Klaus pouting at the move. Allison chucks a plus four at Klaus after his turn and Diego gasps in outrage. 

Five speaks, finally, throat feeling slightly better, “...How long?” 

Vanya, who put her book down when she realized he was awake, answers, “A week or two. You lost a lot of blood.” 

Five hums noncommittally. 

Diego points at him disapprovingly, “And you better not pull that shit again, Five, you really scared us.” 

Five glares at him, more than a little offended, “They shot Vanya. I- I-“ his chest hitches, but he can’t say it, amending instead, “Allison fell off the fucking balcony-“ 

Allison lifts up her hand, “And I’m fine, Five. We’re all okay. Luther caught me. And Vanya was only grazed. You know head wounds bleed a lot.”

Vanya nods, a hand going to the side of her head, there is a still healing groove, a jagged scab, disappearing into her hair, “It just startled me. And then I hit my head on the way down. That’s why I didn’t get up again.” 

Five frowns, “I’m… I’m glad you’re okay.”

Vanya squeezes his hand, “So are we, Five.” 

Five's frown deepens as Vanya’s smile wobbles, “We almost lost you.”

Five squeezes her hand back, the words he wants to say won’t come and for a moment he opens his mouth, trying to tell her- to tell them, but it clogs up his throat. Vanya smiles understandingly as Allison places her last card on the pile, “Well, since it’s clear I’m winning this round-“ 

Klaus gasps with mock outrage as she grins, “Uno, by the way. I can’t believe none of you called me out for that, do you want to be dealt in Five?”

He nods as Vanya puts her book down, “I’ll play too.” 

Five leans back into the pillows, Diego muttering bitterly about his defeat and beginning to reshuffle their cards, Klaus whining as Allison grins triumphantly. Vanya glances back to check on Ben and Luther, still snoring softly. 

With his family warm and real and alive around him, Five allows himself a smile. It is small and hardly there, but it is soft and genuine as the room is filled with the quiet and comforting bickering of his siblings. 

He was alive. 

His family was alive. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. 

And he would never be again.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is here: https://ford-ye-fiji.tumblr.com/


End file.
